No matter how much I think through and handle things, there are bound to be things that I'll look back on hindsight and regret.
but the very thing I hate next to losing out? I hate regretting stuff, because it means that I didnt do my best or didnt handle it and get the conclusion that I wanted to achieve; therefore I would regret, wouldnt I?
but I realized that if I wrote down a whole list of things I would regret in my time in cedar, there are more words I regret not saying out than the things I did not do.
somedays all I want to do is to pick up the phone and call you. just to hear your voice, just to hear you laugh. I hate being the junior, because then there are always so many considerations to consider. I know you dont need me there with you anymore, because you have someone else you hold much closer. I can close my eyes and call out images of us just walking out cedar primary. total silence or constant chatter, I always enjoyed our moments alone.
taking apart debates after competitions over icecream.
do you know how much I miss having you around.
do you know do you know how much it aches to watch her speak because there are so many similarities in style.
do you know how if I close my eyes and imagine you standing next to me, sitting next to me during debate formation I could just start crying. but I cant because my team needs me to be calm and logical and on the fighting edge?
do you know how hard it is to school feelings before and after a debate, win or lose?
I did it e,
I became the best debate captain I could be.
I did it, I became the best instructor I could possible be.
I did it e, I did it.
but E, I am never going to be the senior that you were to me not in private. I wont ever close someone out so mercilessly so ruthlessly.
I didnt dream it all did I? I didnt. I know I didnt.
I regret not telling you how important you were to me. I regret not telling you how much you meant to me.
you know what I miss most? I miss hearing you call my name. that's what I miss the most.