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Sunshine & Stars
the who.

Geraldine

♥

Stars, balloons, bubbles
I'm who I'll always be.

look back,

April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
August 2010

thank you.

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Monday, April 19, 2010

I'm tired, hurt, angry, pissed, disappointed.


I'm so tired I wished with all my heart that tomorrow wasnt a tuesday, that there was no el tomorrow, that I wouldnt need to walk into the classroom tomorrow and face them. I had absolutely no idea. was I the only fool that thought everything was really fine?

Why should I have to defend myself when I have done nothing wrong?
was it wrong for me to give and do my best?
I loved el. I loved debate. I loved, I really loved it. I looked forward to tuesdays, fridays. I lived and breathed for the rush on the floor, for the prep before and the togetherness after. I enjoyed competitions, loved to win, but losing never meant defeat for me.
I lived for the next debate, the debate after the next, next next next.


was it wrong for me to trust my juniors as well?
I thought I knew you. I thought I knew you because I saw you as my echo, I saw you as my debater, I saw you through the eyes of other seniors. I thought I could trust my own judgement, I overlooked the little things that you did because I believed that juniors will be juniors and entitled to play around once in awhile. I trusted you, and you betrayed my trust totally. utterly utterly betrayed my trust. why so doublefaced? why say two things entirely? why the lie? did it ever benefit you? how could it, I dont know. I cannot justify your actions in my mind, I cant, I just cant.


I spotted you as the next president, as the person I could safely hand the cca over and think, okay she wont screw this up. but you went behind me. you said one thing to me, and another thing to them, knowing full well the strife between all of us. you played us like puppets on a string, did you not know think that it would spread between us? we were a level, or did you enjoy playing with fire? I spoke to you as I would have to an equal. I never spoke down to any of you, I never took the tone of a senior before. I never. I swear I never ever did.



My own level. why? why a thousand a million times. why those hurtful words, why? how would it ever benefit you? I never went against you. I never ever did. no matter how much I hated the way all of you did things, I always protected all of you infront of the juniors. because you were My exco. I never went against all of you. why is everything my fault?

why why why?


9:34 PM