it's like playing a card game.

we're cautious, thinking too much, reading too much into every sentence, every expression.

we pretend that we are not affected, when the truth is that it only hurts too much.

we yearn for the feeling of together, but are too afraid to let each other in. too afraid to strip any layer of defense.

our juniors look up to us. the sec1s, they love us. and everytime I see that in their eyes, I feel like telling them, nono, dont set your standards by us, dont let us be your benchmark. because we are not good enough yet. we hide all the ugliness with professinalism. we hate each other to the core but we dont show it. is that divorcing emotions from official stuff, or is that just the acting we seem to be so proficient at?

el, why?

when you dont talk about things, it doesnt mean that you dont care about it anymore.

people break, because not breaking is too hard to cart around, and breaking, allows you to piece the shattered pieces together and move on once again.

but when the burden becomes too heavy, and it's impossible to piece everything together after allowing it to shatter. you wont break. just, like that.

human nature. but how many people actually understand this?

truly, ignorance is your new best friend.