yknow it never hits as hard as when I let my guard down.
children's ministry, our territory. always us. the group of us, and you were always beside me.
funny how we work seamlessly when we work, how there is almost no need for me to signal as a worship leader, because you know what I'm doing.
but off the stage we revert to being just, strangers.
why do you bother to sit across the room and look at me if you cant even meet my eye when we talk?
watching you with the kids are like salt on a wound.
sitting beside me for meals. how could you sit there and pretend like it's normal?
do you remember children's camp? inseperable. the kids asked if we were a couple. I should have watched your reaction then, right? sorry I didnt notice, sorry I didnt realize. my no must have hurt you. I'm sorry H, I'm really sorry.
do you know how hard it is to watch the younger girls constantly gush over you? the gap inbetween the two of us, I dont know how to fill. because I know you better than any of them could. and I'll still know. your dreams, your flaws, and what you are good at. I know it all.
for you, I'd go back to the past and straighten all this all over again. my fault, me bad, that we're like that.
I'm too used to stealing your food, leaning against you and having you offer weird things like hugs when I say I'm cold. I miss using your jacket because it smells too much like you. walking me back to my room when it's but 4 doors away.
argh. what's the point. I miss the one I know.
walk barefooted once again along the beach for the sunrise, just the two of us. just another memory, right.